The 10 Online Dating Texting Rules for more matches and dates

online dating texting rules

Ok, bro, you can put the machete away.

I know.

Online dating feels like an impenetrable jungle when you get started, and you make the simplest mistakes without even realizing it…

Many men are completely in the dark when it comes to meeting a woman on the Internet.

They chat with a woman and hope that by some magical coincidence, they get a date with her. At the same time, the chance of success without a proven system is very small.

Fortunately, today I brought you a step-by-step plan to decode the code of the Online Dating Matrix once and for all.

In this article, you will learn:

  • My 10 most effective tips on online dating, which turns you from an annoying suck-up to a charismatic gentleman
  • Online dating message tips: 3 bulletproof questions that makes her addicted to you
  • How to double your chances of getting a date using a simple hack
  • Why attractive women REALLY register on online dating platforms
  • Powerful online dating profile tips which will help you to seduce her without even texting her
  • And much more online dating tips…

By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?

You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.

But first, you need to understand what men and women act differently when they chat while ‘e dating.’

Meet women online: An indomitable challenge?

Hand on heart: What do you want to achieve by registering on apps like Tinder?

”That’s crystal clear, Dan. I want to meet hot women!”

Let me tell you something.

With this intention, you aren’t a lonely snowflake – who would have thought it?

Millions of men swipe like a sweeper wildly on the display of their electronic typewriter, hoping to get in contact with hot ladies.

Then one day, it happens…

They get a match.

Euphorically they bombard their chosen one with a hail of messages.

Maybe your lady will answer you a few times – but it doesn’t take long until bottomless silence prevails.


Because they have overlooked all the wonderful flirting opportunities that their match has served them on a silver platter.

In contrast to men, women sometimes have a completely different focus when dating online.

Instead of getting in touch with an attractive specimen of the opposite sex in real life as much as possible, they often use dating apps like Tinder mainly for entertainment. In between, with a bit of luck, they might even meet a cool guy.

You must never forget this when you go out in the online dating world.

Just to be clear:

The only purpose of texting with a woman in online dating is to get her on a date. However, you must watch out that you don’t fall into the trap of pressuring the woman to date too quickly.

On the other hand, there’s the danger of getting lost in endless novels while chatting.

The longer you text her without suggesting a date, the bigger the chance that you’ll lose her at some point along the way.

So, let’s not beat around the bush and get right to it.

>> How To Be Irresistible To Women: 13 Things That Turn Her On.

Rule #1: How to start a conversation at online dating

Especially if you are a beginner and still have trouble finding the right words, one thing can be a real blessing for you:

Tested copy and paste lines from your favorite coach Dan.

However, after a while, you’ll develop a better sense of creative messages that’ll inspire an answer out of your chosen one.

Now it’s time to build up your foundation and bunker ‘the bread and butter’ of online dating in your imaginary refrigerator.

The sole purpose of your first message is to get the conversation going.

Prize question:

What is the first message sent by the enthusiastic average Joe in 99% of cases?

That’s right…

Hi, how are you?


Heyyyyy :)))

But the only thing he’s achieving with this is:



Because she has read this message at least 5,664,821 times today.

As a result, she is less interested in an answer than Freddy Krueger in sweet dreams.

You, as a loyal reader of our blog, of course, do it differently and use a variant that works much better:

Hey, who are you?

Where is the magic in this opener?

If she has a personal or clever answers to this message, you can see that she is worth your time.

If she only sends back boring standard answers, you should rather invest your time in more interesting women.

Of course, sometimes it takes several messages, and you can’t see immediately at the first answer to your question if she’s a disinterested or negative person.

After some back and forth texting, it will become clearer and clearer during your conversation, which kind of girl you’re facing (duuuuuh’).

For example, you’ll notice when she keeps answering short and choppy, even though you provide her with interesting questions and creative statements.

Is your opener unanswered like a message in a bottle in the Pacific? Read these articles and profit shamelessly from them:

>> 10 Tips to Get a Tinder Sex Hookup in 4 Matches + Examples

>> 22 Flirty Text Messages (+ Examples) That Will Make Her Want You More

Rule #2: Be a smart gentleman

Is it a good idea to compliment a woman while online dating or not?

Spoiler: It is if you know how to do it right.

There’s one thing you should consider:

If you want to butter up your adored one, just give her compliments for character traits or things she has worked for

  • Her personality
  • Her status in her job
  • Her way of thinking

With this simple tip alone, you can stand out from the masses of guys who only suck up to her because of her stunning beauty and her attractive body.

She has been hearing/ reading these superficial compliments all day anyway, and therefore they don’t trigger any strong emotional reaction in her anymore.

Imagine you would get all day long, only compliments for having a penis hanging on you. You would also feel stupid at some point – as if your penis is the only thing that matters.

That doesn’t mean, of course, that you can never compliment her on her appearance.

But compliments to her personality will always evoke stronger emotions in her than something superficial that she never had to do anything for.

Suppose she texts you something you think is funny or sends you a funny picture. Then answer like this:

I like your sense of humor. I can work with that.

Or she texts you about her successes on her job, then answer her like this:

I can appreciate that. I like ambitious women.

But enough sweet talk, for now, we still have a lot to talk about.

Rule #3: Have a common thread in online dating

Again and again, I see men getting lost in endless debates with women about their weekend or other super unexciting events.

Why make everything complicated when it can be done simply?

This is the principle that you should follow not only in online dating but best in your entire life.

What do I mean by that?

  1. You send her a first message, which makes her curious.
  2. She reacts to this by telling you something about herself and asking you something.
  3. You give a short and concise answer. You say something to what she said about herself or ask a question about it. In this manner, you exchange about 10-15 messages.
  4. At some point, you know enough about each other to decide whether you both want to meet and you suggest a date.
  5. You meet up and have a memorable date.

There’s a common thread running through this.

Of course, this order is not set in stone, but try to stick roughly to this scheme.

What you shouldn’t do is…

  • Send her over 30 texts before you propose a meeting
  • Overload her with long texts
  • Give her extensive details about you that she didn’t ask for
  • Asking complicated questions that she has to think about for a long time to answer them

>> Compliments for Women: #1 Guide to Make Her Melt for You.

Rule #4: One of my most effective online dating texting tips for guys

Do you want to get her to invest as much as possible in the conversation?

You will achieve this by asking the RIGHT questions and formulating statements.

What do 99% of men do when they start chatting with a woman?

They ask questions about her everyday life or her job.

The big disadvantage of this is:

If they are honest, the answer interests these men less than a moldy crispbread.

With one question, you expect her to make a direct investment. You ask her to lead the conversation instead of taking responsibility for it yourself.

But that doesn’t mean that it’s fundamentally bad to ask questions. You just have to be careful not to ask too many questions at the beginning of your chat.

Later in the chat, you can ask more questions to get to know them better.

>> 71+ Questions to Ask a Girl on Tinder That Will Make Her Open Up to You.

These three types of questions will give you the best cards at the beginning of the conversation:

The ‘or‘-question

Here the possibilities are already present in the question, and she only has to choose.


Burger or sushi?

Berlin or Paris?

Brazil or Thailand?

The closed question

It’s a yes-or-no question.


Do you like tomato soup with meatballs?

The open question


Why are you doing [her favorite hobby/occupation/passion]?

Pro tip:

If you ask ‘why’ questions, she gets more in touch with her emotions.

This, in turn, increases her investment and thus the chance of a date.


Why did you become a dancer?

Pro tip #2:

Use question marks as rarely as possible or even formulate questions without them. This way, the question sounds less like an investment and looks more like a statement.

So much for the asking. We have already clarified earlier that you should be sparing with questions at the beginning of your chat because otherwise, you can come across as an annoying child.

Instead, you should use statements at the beginning.

This way, you will indirectly draw the investment out of the convo little by little. To do this, you text her something where she can’t help but answer.

Here are two smart ways:

  1. Challenging comments: ‘You look like a hot homeless lady.’
  2. Simple, friendly compliments: ‘You write as if you were a professional writer.’

Rule #5: Don’t let her off the hook

Give her a chance to chase you around a bit.

How you manage that? – By starting to challenge her.

You make her want to prove to you that she’s interesting enough for you.

The goal is that her investment in your conversation is bigger than yours.

The more she invests in the chat, the more likely she is to go on a date with you.

Average Joe tells the woman without beating about the bush, what kind of car he drives, and how many amazing holidays he has planned for next year.

Before the woman gets even the slightest chance to invest in the conversation herself, he has already turned her off with his bragging to such an extent that she would rather learn a telephone book by heart than go on a date with him.

You give her this chance by taking an active interest in her.

On the one hand, you will be perceived as an interesting person yourself; on the other hand, a woman never gets bored talking about herself.

For example, use the following questions to encourage her to invest…

The personal question:

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

The arousing question:

What’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?

The challenging question:

What’s the coolest thing you did last week?

Your job is simply to get her to tell as much about herself in as few words as possible.

>> 14 Tips To Turn The Tables – How to Make Her Chase You.

Rule #6: Misinterpretations

The following is a simple but effective technique to stimulate a woman while online dating emotionally:

You deliberately interpret everything she sends you in your favor.

It’s not so easy to get the message across. The woman doesn’t see you while texting and therefore has no chance to read your true emotions.

So, you need a simple and safe way to tease her over chat.

Try to interpret everything she writes as if she wanted to seduce you with it.

Here are two examples:

I was at the gym earlier.

So, you remembered that I like sporty women…


Look, I bought this new top.

I’m flattered that you buckle down so much for me…

You can use this technique whenever you feel that your conversation could use a little peppiness.

Rule #7: The power of language

Why is it so important to stimulate a woman emotionally when online dating?

Because women make most of their decisions based on feelings.

If you take her on an emotional rollercoaster online, she’ll be even more curious to see what you’ll do with her in real life.

You should have this principle in mind when you write your profile text:

That magical moment when you hold your breath because you’re meeting someone special. The first touch and the Goosebumps when your eyes meet. ‘You feel stronger, yet more vulnerable than ever before…

When she reads such a bio, she will feel much more than if you only write about your age, your profession, and your football club.

This article shows you exactly what else you need to know about profile texts:

>> 3 Ways to Make an Irresistible Online Dating Profile Text (+ 5 Examples)

Aaaaaand NEXT!

Rule #8: Get personal

At a certain point in the chat, you will realize:

The conversation practically runs itself.

When you get to that point, you can shift up gears.

It’s time to get to know her on a deeper level.

For this, YOU have to make the first step:

Tell her a short but personal story about yourself, for example, a disappointment or that you sometimes find it difficult to open up to people.

This way, you show her your vulnerable side and, at the same time, encourage her to open herself and confide in you.

This increases the probability that she wants to meet you by at least another 50%.

If you want to speed up this process of building trust, use terms that she also uses in her language. This will make her feel better understood and make it easier for her to open up to you.

I’ve written an article for you to show you how to get the woman to fall in love with you in no time by asking the deep questions:

>> The Only 111 Get-To-Know-You Questions for Dating You Need.

Pro tip:

Use her name or a nickname you invented for her, every 5 to 10 texts for the extra trust points.

Rule #9: Social proof on your profile

‘Social proof’ is a concept from evolutionary psychology and means that the woman pays attention to whether other people react positively to you.

In other words:

Women want a popular man who is highly desired by other señoritas.

Especially if you are well-received by other female specimens, your chat partner thinks:

“Okay, he seems to be pretty popular with other women… There must be something about him.”

Let me give you an example:

You go to the supermarket, and you want to buy orange juice. There are two kinds. Both cost exactly one dollar. The difference is: The shelf of the first kind of orange juice is filled.

On the shelf of the other kind are only two bottles left. Which juice do you think you’ll choose?

Right, you’d probably prefer the more popular orange juice.

But how can you apply this principle to online dating?

Three simple ways how you can use Social Proof in online dating:

  1. You upload pictures of yourself with your friends.
  2. You subtly mention your female friends during texting (for example in stories you tell)
  3. Example: ‘I must introduce you to my friend Lara. She’s also totally into (what you are talking about). You’ll get along great.’
  4. You let it shine through in your chat that sex is no big deal for you, but a normal part of your everyday life.
  5. For example, if she asks you what you did last weekend, you write: ‘Nothing special really… reading, sports and a few dates with 2 of my favorite women. After that, I always feel supercharged for the week ahead.’ You can leave the rest to her imagination…

Finally, my favorite technique in online dating:

Rule #10: Next level optimism

There are always men who come to me and are firmly convinced that their problem with online dating is ‘very special’ and a ‘special case.’

One of my students once got a text from a woman he didn’t understand and asked me how he should react.

I then ask him a counter-question:

“What do you think she means by that?”

The answer I got from men like him almost always falls into the same category:

80 – 90 % of them interpret women’s messages too pessimistically.

They consider themselves inferior and think that a woman would rather meet them out of pity than because she’s attracted to them.

Here is an example:

>> 15 Subtle Signs How to Tell if a Girl Likes You Over Text / Tinder / WhatsApp / Messenger.

You have a Date scheduled for Saturday night, and she texts you on Friday that something has come up.

Instead of believing that she’s telling the truth, the pessimist thinks:

“Pfff, that’s just an excuse because she doesn’t want to see me…”

And answer her:

Okay… too bad… I was really looking forward to meeting you.

Through this text, the woman realizes that this man has no self-confidence and gets dry faster than your hands using a Dyson Airblade.

Try the following instead:

Interpret what she writes as favorably as possible and keep your date in mind with every text.

The optimist thinks:

“It’s not so bad that she can’t make it on Saturday; instead, I can finally try out this new bar with Erik. There are tons of beautiful women there. I’m sure she’ll be free next week. I’ll ask her.”

and answer her:

Yup, no problem, then I can use Saturday night for other things. How does Sunday or Monday night look for you?

This keeps you positive and persistent attractively, even if the woman puts ‘obstacles’ in your way.

Of course, there’s the possibility that this is just an excuse from her, but you shouldn’t accept that in the first place.

Try to find another day with her as soon as possible.

If that doesn’t work, then turn your attention to other women in the online dating world.

To prepare you perfectly for this, I have extra online dating texting rules for you:

My texting masterclass.

Which is part of the completely free Transformation Kit.

Get it here.

Have fun with the ladies, and share your success with me in the comments!

Dan de Ram

Stop awkward conversations
and painful rejections

My free Transformation Kit will make you irresistible to women.

  • 12 Opening Lines that Actually Work
  • 5 Date Generating Texting Tips (Plus Copy-Paste Lines for Tinder)
  • The Friendzone Escape-Room Trick
Yes, give me the Transformation Kit!

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