Banging your little toe against the leg of a table is painful.
Starting a Tinder conversation with a spicy señorita and not getting a response is just as painful.
The Tinder demigod is here to show you this:
- Talking on Tinder decoded: The real reasons she’s not texting you back
- Tinder convo tips: The three deadly Tinder taboos you should abandon
- The most effective way to have funny Tinder conversations
- Tinder conversation topics which make her long for your next text
- The #1 method of making her crazy about dating you
- And many more Tinder messaging tips…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Hitting up your absolute dream woman, getting an enthusiastic message back, texting with her until the conversation comes to nothing and she suddenly stops texting you back…
… equals F*CKING torture.
If you’ve clicked on this article, chances are you’ve experienced all this before.
What I also know is how frustrating it can be when your conversation seems to be going in the right direction and it suddenly crashes and burns…
And all this while you’ve no clue what you’re doing wrong.
At the same time, you’re aware that you’ve missed out on huge opportunities to this day.
The chance for an unforgettable night, a hot affair, or maybe even a happy relationship with a phenomenal woman at your side.
Whatever. Enough whining.
- Often don’t know what to text
- Are familiar with abruptly receiving no more responses
- Are unsure when to text back
- Are getting regularly locked up in the dungeons of the friendzone
- Only convert a fraction of your matches into dates
…then this article is for you.
Because after reading this blog post, you’ll know exactly how to make a conversation with a girl interesting.
All these problems mentioned above are closely related to three central, dirty and disgusting sins.
I baptize them the three deadly Tinder taboos.
And each of these three taboos is a fundamental reason for your lack of Tinder success.
If you break two or even three of these taboos, I’m sure you’re wasting your time on Tinder and might as well delete the app.
Are you breaking just one of three taboos?
Then I’m afraid a lot of your conversations are still doomed to failure.
But… don’t worry!
Tinder Conversation Tip #1: Avoid these three deadly Tinder taboos
“Deadly” sounds pretty extreme, don’t you think?
Maybe I’m using too strong a word…
Maybe “Three Mistakes You’d Better Avoid” would have been a better title…
I swear to you on the water bottle of my grand cousin’s guinea pig that each of these three following taboos is absolute DEATH for your Tinder success.
When you make them, your Tinder landscape looks something like this:
Each of the three taboos leads to fatal mistakes in your messages.
I’ll introduce you to them in detail in a moment so that you’ll recognize them in the future and NEVER commit them again.
This will make your Tinderland look more fertile:
It’s time to take a close look at the first Tinder taboo.
We’ll start with one that I’m sure you’ll recognize…
Tinder Taboo #1: You’re blind as a mole
If you already do many things well but keep having failed dates…
…chances are you’re breaking this taboo:
You’re misreading her signs.
This makes you look like the kind of Starbucks barista who only prepares 8 out of 10 orders correctly.
Eight times you make the espresso that was ordered…
But the other two times you accidentally make a Double Ristretto Venti, half soy, fat-free, decaffeinated, extra hot with whipped cream, upside down, double mixed with honey and ice.
Reading signs correctly means being able to adapt to the reactions of the woman.
For this you must understand what a woman thinks.
The five most common mistakes are as follows:
- You’re being too intrusive
- You’re acting too euphoric
- You seem too robotic
- You escalate on a no
- You ignore her signs
With the help of the Tinder conversation example below, you’ll be able to understand the five fatal mistakes easier.
Situation: This compañero has received the number of a match and is now texting with her via WhatsApp.
He has already done many things well and is now trying to set up a date for the same evening.
Because he’s quite adept at ignoring her signs, I’ll refer to this gentleman below as Mr. Robot.
Let’s start at the beginning.
You can see that he has sent a text (at the top of the screenshot which is no longer fully visible) that ends with a smiling emoji.
He seemed to have sent her a flirtatious message, because she responds with:
She replies that she’s at work and finds his answer bad.
When he asks her to explain what she means by this, she texts:
And this is where the mistake happens.
Mr. Robot escalates on a no.
He is too pushy towards his lady.
Her reaction to this is a predictable one:
Instead of responding appropriately, Mr. Robot is surprised that she reacts negatively to his pushiness:
She reacts to this with a clear:
Now Mr. Robot is beginning to realize that he needs to inject more lightheartedness into the conversation:
And then suggests they both should have a pancake party the next day (which was probably an inside joke between them).
She reacts positively to this and humorously texts him that she’ll come in a onesie.
Our amigo suggests this one:
The conversation finally seems to be going in the right direction again.
Until Mr. Robot decides to overreact and again wants way too much too soon.
He suggests that she should wear the onesie at their wedding.
When she asks when this will be, he has a chance to present himself as a man with backbone.
But he fails at that…
The worst possible answer would be something like:
But his ultimate boyish answer is:
Which is about as unattractive.
She’s reacting negatively.
With his obtrusive reaction “By the way – let’s meet today at 19:00 at the bus stop” he now completely buries his chances.
He escalated again on a no.
Game Over for Mr. Robot – but still a good lesson for you.
Tinder Taboo #2: You don’t know what to text
Sometimes you simply don’t know what to text.
This shit happens and it’s completely human.
However, in moments when this happens to you, there’s a chance that you’ll write something clumsy.
What I mean by that, and how you’re going to erase that awkwardness, you’ll find out now:
Mistake #1: You ask deadly boring questions
You’re in a text conversation.
Your chica responds to your text and it’s up to you again…
Even after thinking for minutes or even hours, you still can’t come up with an original statement or a brilliant pun, so …
…you ask a question.
If you constantly ask closed questions, you block yourself.
Because the list of possible answers to these questions are damn limited.
This bro who hit up one of my girlfriends gives the conversation NO CHANCE to become epic.
He obviously asked for the date way too soon but this isn’t the only mistake he made.
With not a single question he still doesn’t trigger even the slightest emotion in his lady.
By “Can I change your mind somehow??” he tries in vain to save the conversation.
Respect and compassion.
I feel both for this guy.
He’s doing his best and that’s top. Even if that was a big flop.
(I think we agree that with these next-level rhymes I’ll soon make my breakthrough as a rapper, right?)
Our bro actually managed to present himself in an enormously unattractive light.
One of the most important lessons for him: It’s always better to ask an open question.
By doing so, you get your lady to give you a more comprehensive answer.
In addition, you can use the information gained to tease her playfully.
Instead of asking her if he can ask her a question, he could’ve actually asked her a more open (and of course way more interesting) question. For example, something like this:
A yes-no answer is impossible with this question.
(By the way, you can find more first-class Tinder questions in this article I wrote for you)
Another effective way to add spice to your conversations is to make statements.
To give you an example, let’s turn the question I just wrote for you into a statement.
By telling her something instead of asking her, you make her curious about you.
To do this, take a close look at her profile pictures and her bio.
Because if your statement turns out to be right, you create a true “Wow, he must be a mentalist!” moment and put your match in a state of constant amazement.
She automatically feels more connected to you because you seem to know her better than other men.
Statements are also an excellent way to start a conversation. Their effectiveness always depends on how exact or completely off the mark your statement is.
So, don’t be afraid to take a close look at every millimeter of her profile.
Mistake #2: You’re as bland as the rest
This tip falls somewhat out of the category, but I still don’t want to keep it from you.
Sometimes you can open a conversation so strongly that you can reap the rewards beyond the entire conversation.
Because with your first message you’ve got the chance to show your match directly that you’re DIFFERENT than the average dude.
If you’ve already read my Tinder convo starters article, you already know how to open a conversation to get a strong positive response.
Another secret tip:
Often it helps to ask yourself how most guys text women…
…AND how you can open the conversation more originally.
I use this “technique” every time I get into a situation where a certain thing about a lady is too obvious.
I’ll tell you what I mean by that by giving you an example.
A friend of mine is called “Juliet”.
If you asked a group of men for an original opening line for her, you would be surprised how many would come up with a “Romeo and Juliet” opener.
Juliet gets messages like these all the time.
If you’ve a brilliant idea for a Tinder opener, first think about whether you might not do exactly the same thing as the rest.
With an opener like this, you’ll quickly stand out from the other similarly knitted men:
This way you immediately appear original and not as unimaginative as the monotonous mass.
– You signalize that you understand how other guys think
– You’re one step ahead of your male “competition”
– You directly create a kind of “we”-feeling – finally there’s someone who seems to understand her
So think first, send message second.
Tinder Taboo #3: You’re needy
Probably the most unattractive personality trait in the world.
As soon as a woman sees neediness in you, you look as sexy in her eyes as a flattened cat that has been lying in the street for weeks during the summer months.
Needy behavior subcommunicates that you NEED her at all costs.
For many women, this gives them the feeling that your own satisfaction is 100% dependent on them.
A behavior they find pathetic.
If, on the other hand, you don’t show any sign of neediness, you’ll have the exact opposite effect.
You seem independent and unshakable – traits that make you appear more masculine and therefore more attractive.
But to know how to behave more attractively, I’ll first show you the neediest behavioral patterns you can display:
#1: You’re too nice <3
A lot of men think they have to be assholes to be more attractive to women.
They have the misconception that women like douches.
However, they don’t realize that they just look inauthentic and tryhard because of their macho mask… which is damn unattractive for women.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice.
What you should rather avoid is being TOO nice.
When you kiss women’s asses non-stop, you look like a sexless plush teddy instead of a real sex worthy man.
You become the guy she wants to have with her when she’s lonely – but who gets disposed of as soon as she meets a real man.
In her eyes, you’d rather want to be that guy…
…instead of this one…
There’s lots of ways you can be too nice.
One that I see particularly often in men is this.
Watch closely. I’m curious if you see what I mean.
You already know this screenshot.
However, this gentleman commits several mistakes at the same time (as I already ‘spoilered’ above).
Why closed questions are damn inconvenient if you want to have interesting conversations, you know by now.
But what makes this guy seem way too nice?
By asking permission to ask her a question?
But that isn’t all.
Take a closer look at the screenshot again.
To distract you, I’ll pin a babe underneath, so you won’t see it right away.
Okay, did you look at it?
And the screenshot too?
And did you find what you were looking for?
This here is another reason why this amigo looks way too sweet. 🙂
He uses an emoji after almost every sentence. 🙁
Would you still take my tips seriously if I placed a different smiley face after each point? :O
Or do my lines then seem as if they had been written by a 13-year-old boy? (^_^)
One thing is certain… xD
It’s not masculine. :’(
Emoji-penetrated sentences seem clownish. Childish. Insecure.
If I hadn’t told you that this opener was sent by a guy, you might’ve thought that it’s something a teenager sent…
As a contrast, look at this conversation I randomly selected from my Tinder matches:
Pay attention to how girly her way of texting is…
…and how her emojis make her look even more feminine.
So, learn from emoji boy’s mistakes and refrain from sending out dozens of them.
Rather, I recommend that you only use emojis if a sentence could be misinterpreted without one or if your text would seem too neutral.
However, in 90% of cases, you can safely leave them out.
The most effective antidote to being too nice.
If you’re familiar with the above errors, you’re too nice and destroy your chances of converting matches into dates.
As soon as you leave out unnecessary emojis, you come one step closer to becoming an “attractive man”.
However, I have an effective tip for you if you’re often too nice in your conversations.
Let me ask you a question about this:
What do many guys who act “too nice” do when they’re talking to a señorita?
What do they do when they talk about something and disagree with what their lady tells them?
They pull down their jeans, kneel, turn their ass to the woman in question and ask her to put on a strap-on dildo to be taken hard from behind.
Or in other words:
They don’t make a sound and nod up and down well-behaved – although they actually have a completely different opinion.
What they don’t realize is that women sense their lies – and thus lose their respect for them.
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not saying you should provoke heated discussions all the time.
Rather, you should always express your true opinion and don’t have to agree with everything and everyone.
#2: You rush the date
Back to the beginning of the article – to this screenshot:
Mr. Questionnaire commits two more fatal mistakes besides his overuse of emojis, his closed questions, and his much too cute attitude…
First of all, he “escalates” at a “No thanks” – more on this shortly.
And second, he’s asking her out way too early.
Trust me, bro.
You won’t believe how many guys ask out women WAY too soon.
Sometimes because they don’t want to invest more time than what it takes to send three messages, but mostly because they’re NEEDY.
The latter seems to be the case with our Mr. Questionnaire.
And as you can easily see, his hasty proposal ended with a game over.
Error #3: The Chinese (text) wall that drives women crazy
Huge walls of text…
You know them.
Those half-bibles you sometimes find in your text inbox.
For example, when your data volume is exhausted and a 3,000-character long advertising text smiles at you.
When a woman sends you a text that long, you’re doing fine, bro. She’s obviously interested in you.
If you’re sending them yourself… then it’s time you realize this:
A “cool guy” doesn’t need to reveal his life story at every opportunity.
Rather talk about you two, about your ideas, about invented adventures you’ll experience together, about your hatred for white sneakers or your love for Rick and Morty.
But don’t reveal your most intimate information all at once – and certainly not through text.
Better save your life stories for your date.
Time for an example:
This guy and his match have found a perfect conversation topic.
Both have a soft spot for diving.
She asks him if he dives where he comes from and tells him that she has already been on diving trips to Greece and Indonesia.
His reply to that is… ridiculously long.
These are the types of messages that have created the abbreviation “tl;dr”.
On the surface, he talks about diving…
However, he sub-communicates the following with the way he talks about it:
WOOHOO! I’m so happy that this chica is diving too. I’m telling her half my life story now and hope that we get married soon. You + me forEveR 2getHeR <3”
WOOHOO! I’m so happy that this chica is diving too. I’m telling her half my life story now and hope that we get married soon. You + me forEveR 2getHeR <3”
I don’t know much about diving, but I’m sure this guy is competent at it.
But one thing is certain…
He’s not going to dive into her bed.
Error #4: You have no tact
Men have been wondering that since the discovery of fire.
First of all, it’s important when you send the FIRST text.
After you match with a woman, you shouldn’t wait too long with it.
Profiles that actively text their matches receive a higher score from the Tinder algorithm and are shown to more women in the match game.
Furthermore, “fresh” matches are more likely to respond to your messages than old ones that have been on the list for 3 months.
For all other messages, there’s no fixed minute time that you should wait for.
More important is that you don’t answer too quickly or too slowly.
To be more specific:
I know that some men think they have to “punish” a woman if she reacts slowly.
Then they answer her slowly each time on purpose.
A most effective tactic…
… to take the whole flow out of the conversation and be condemned to lonely masturbation every evening with “Granny Bukkake Vol. 9” on your screen.
Forget all formulas and pathetic revenge actions.
Text her back when you get a chance.
You get a message and can answer immediately?
Then do it.
If you’re someone who holds his phone in his hand very often, this can be dangerous.
You shouldn’t keep texting back within milliseconds if she doesn’t.
Women are still people. And most people have something to do.
Work, friends, hobbies, fitness, cooking, shopping…
I’m assuming that this applies to you as well.
And therefore, your reaction time should already be naturally different.
This automatically makes you unpredictable.
There’s only one scenario where you should always respond quickly.
And that’s when she does it.
At that moment she’s probably lying comfortably on her sofa or in her bed and focuses all her attention on the small phone screen.
At that moment you should hit the ball back quickly.
Because this is what makes for a real, almost lively conversation.
Think back to the golden days of MSN, ICQ and SMS marathons.
To the nights you counted how many “:-*” you collected.
What if she does exactly the opposite and doesn’t make a sound for a few hours or even a day?
You stare at your mobile phone and feel deep inside the need to send a second message.
You may even feel that you can’t go on living without a response.
You want to do it. You want to ask her what’s wrong. Weren’t you funny enough? Did you do something wrong?
Whoa, easy, cowboy!
Take a deep breath and drop your weapon slowly. Hands where I can see them!
You don’t immediately send a second text. That’s a total bitch-ass attractiveness killer.
At least you’re not doing that yet. If after 48 hours she still hasn’t responded, then I’ll allow you to send her another text.
You’ll notice, however, that she usually texts back earlier.
Maybe her mobile phone fell in the toilet or she had diarrhea and had to go to the doctor or maybe her dog ate chocolate and had to be resuscitated.
Sometimes someone just forgets to answer. Most people (including myself) have the memory of a drunken jellyfish.
And in case you’re still wondering WHY you shouldn’t send a second (or third) message right away …
Then look at how unattractive it is:
Even when women beg for answers, it’s super unattractive.
Don’t make the same mistake.
Continence, bro… continence.
Error #5: You don’t have your testosterone under control
Yeah, I know.
You got balls.
Maybe shriveled, but healthy and intact balls.
And if you’re on my page, you most likely love women and their attention.
All well and good.
But what strikes me about many men who take part in our courses and programs is…
…that they become overly euphoric as they increasingly realize their potential.
They gradually understand how seduction works, while their results are steadily improving.
In the past, you may have received less attention from women and suddenly you can hardly save yourself from them.
Because of the increasing positive reactions, you become overly enthusiastic. And this can rub off on your messages.
Here, too, it’s important to remain calm and take a deep breath.
What I want to avoid is you texting back too enthusiastically.
There’s nothing wrong with being enthusiastic.
Euphoric people are an enrichment for this globe.
But think about what you’re actually sub-communicating with your euphoria:
Assuming a chica reacts positively to your last message. She’s exactly your type, which is why you text back overenthusiastically.
The subtext of your message?
Enjoy your rising Tinder successes but stay COOL.
Imagine having the same nerves of steel as this bro:
Tinder Conversation Tip #2: Use this friendzone killer
Every person on this planet hates the friendzone.
Except for the little weirdo from GoT, who bloodthirstily decapitates and shoots prostitutes.
I’m sure he’d be happy to have a buddy.
It happens every day:
Countless men are stamped as “buddies” by their swarm.
WHY do they always end up in the hellfire of the friendzone?
There are many reasons.
But the most common cause is the following:
They show no form of intention.
And what I mean by that, you’ll now find out in a thought experiment.
Imagine joining a soccer club and training every day.
After months of practice you notice the first results:
You can pass decently, your shot is quite powerful and on a good day you even manage to score one to three times…
Your skills are great.
In fact, you’ll become the best player on your team.
But on game days you behave heedlessly and lose yourself in thought.
You’ve all the skills necessary to score a goal, but you don’t want to win the game for your team.
Your team loses because their best player didn’t have the intention to win the match.
And many men have the same problem on Tinder.
They don’t have clear intentions.
As they text, they lose themselves in eternal texts and even their match begins to wonder what the hell they want to achieve.
You should always keep in mind what you REALLY want.
Unless you’re planning on becoming a lady’s new texting buddy, you’ll probably want to set up a date.
And to make sure that you’re going in the right direction, you should constantly ask yourself the following during your conversations:
- “What intention am I sub-communicating with this message?”
- “Does this text take me one step closer to a date?”
This way you won’t get lost in superficial small talk during the conversation.
But before I give you Tinder conversation examples of exquisite messages, I’ll first show you what you can do to make a lady curious about you.
Tinder Conversation Tip #3: The simplest way to get her to invest
I want to show you an underrated secret weapon.
The most effective way to get women to text YOU first.
What it is?
Pimp your profile.
Because there are certain ways to present yourself so that your matches can’t help but react to your photos or bio.
And I’ll tell you how to master that in this article:
>> Starting a Tinder Chat: 12 must-have tips to get her interested < online soon
You don’t have to thank me for the life-changing information, by the way.
It’s perfectly sufficient if you name your children after me later #humbleAF
How to make your Tinder dates an unforgettable success
Finally, I’ve a message for all men who ask me questions like this:
An excellent question to which I’ve an answer that can fundamentally change your love life.
Because this is exactly why I’ve put together a Transformation Kit.
A free Kit with my best flirting advice.
See you on the other side!
Dan de Ram