In this article you’ll learn:
- What to talk about on a first date: How to get her to participate enthusiastically in your conversation instead of communicating with you like a zombie
- How you make even the most frozen women talk like a waterfall
- How you get her to say, “I feel like we’ve known each other forever.”
- Good things to talk about (including topics for a first date and topics for a second date)
- And much more tips on what to talk about on a first date with someone you already know…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
You sit across from your date. Awkward silence. She lets her gaze wander continuously across the room and you fumble with your napkin again…
You’re attracted to each other. You’re sure about that. And yet everything feels frozen…
Two grown people who don’t know what to talk about.
Honestly, this isn’t an unknown scenario for me. On the contrary. Because whether it’s a first conversation, a date or just a flirt on WhatsApp… One of the most frequent questions I get asked as a dating coach is:
I think it’s good that you ask yourself this question, because it shows that you’ve good intentions: You just want to give the woman an amazing time with good conversations topics for a date.
But what distinguishes a brilliant date conversation from a bad one?
Well, most dating coaches give tips like: It’s not so much what you say, it’s how you say it.
This is also partly true. Just last week in a club I slowly approached a woman’s lips while repeating “I’m 100% gay!”.
Then we kissed. With a little too much tongue for my taste…
But that’s another matter.
Personally, I think it’s damn helpful to talk about the right things and avoid certain topics. Everything else would be like lottery: You just take something and hope it’s a bingo.
I say stop gambling! You’re here to take control of your love life, not to play Russian Roulette.
“What do you talk about on a first date?” – The goal of a conversation
Ok, imagine a good conversation is a delicious dish and you’re the chef who has to prepare it.
In front of you is a table full of every ingredient imaginable.
How do you manage to create a masterpiece now?
By randomly throwing unprepared ingredients into a pot of boiling water?
I don’t think so.
I mean, maybe you’ll get lucky and the end product will even taste halfway decent. But if you want to make sure it’s a mouthgasm, then this is what I suggest:
Peel the potatoes, wash the carrots and choose the right spices. To sum up: Prepare the ingredients carefully.
Only this way will you become a master chef (= master seducer).
What I mean to say is: Learn what are great conversation topics for a date. Don’t take women out unprepared and for God’s sake, don’t just cook plain rice.
Believe me, women have had enough bland conversations in their lives. But not with you! At least not after today.
What should your goal be if you want to guarantee a good conversation? Other than landing in bed with a woman.
Basically you can limit yourself to 3 goals. If you pursue them consciously, you’re already a better conversationalist than 90% of today’s people.
Goal #1: Enjoying yourself
No! People love to watch other people enjoy/ amuse themselves.
Comedians are a good example of this. Sometimes their jokes aren’t even funny in content, but by laughing themselves to death about it, you can do nothing but at least smile.
Maybe you’ve heard the expression “laughing is contagious”. If you’ve fun yourself, then there is a good chance that your good mood will spread to other people.
So, it can’t be that selfish…
Goal #2: Get to know the other person
You aren’t are clown who’s just meeting to entertain her. You’re there to get to know her and to find out if there’s a personality behind her beauty that you like.
But that doesn’t mean that you should sit back like a sultan, put your feet on the table and wait for her to come out with stories of her life.
A rule of thumb is: Open up first. Then she’ll feel more comfortable opening herself up, too.
Ultimately, you want to know if you fit together and what you like about each other. And what makes the person you might end up in bed with later.
Goal #3: Make the other person feel good
If you want to become an excellent conversationalist, you must make it your goal to make the other person feel good during the conversation.
This isn’t just about you, which brings us back to the subject of selfishness.
Maybe you’ve had a conversation with someone who said interesting things but couldn’t listen. It’s very exhausting to talk to such people. Don’t be that person!
“What to talk on a date?”: Fun things to talk about on a date
Maybe it’s because you never talk about passions, bro?
Leading the conversation to this topic is one of the best things you can do. Their passions, your passions and especially those that overlap are phenomenal topics.
Sometimes I hear people (women and men!) say they’ve no passion. I don’t believe that. And if you do, get some. There must be something you enjoy doing. A life without passion is like sex without orgasm.
Think about sports, travel, personality development, food, philosophy, celebrating, etc..
Her passion wouldn’t be her passion if it didn’t provide her with the most positive emotions. When you talk about it, she connects with these emotions and possibly associates them with you.
Here are a few questions that will bring her passion to light:
Even if she tells you about her passions, she may answer them, but not in as much detail as you might have imagined.
Even if she tells you about her passions, she may answer them, but not in as much detail as you might have imagined.
Do your conversations look like this?
And then there’s only silence.
It’s as if your awkward silence had opened a portal to another dimension, suddenly teleporting you to a deserted desert where there are only chirping grasshoppers and wandering hay bales.
After an uncomfortable silence, you ask then:
Not so bad, is it? You’re finally trying to find out more about her, right? Wrong!
She won’t be very open to such a question. The conversation would go something like this:
Great… Not exactly the outcome you were hoping for, am I right?
The mistake: You didn’t give her enough room to invest more in the conversation.
She knows much sooner than you what exactly about her passion is the most worth telling.
But the conversation was limited by you. It’s like a cloze at school that you made her fill in.
And to be honest, you don’t know much more about her now, except how long she’s been riding. So, it could be better. A lot better.
Try this one:
Maybe now you think it’s unrealistic for her to talk so much on her own. But there are two important nuances here:
- You show authentic interest in her experience with equestrian sports.
- You give her the opportunity to decide for herself what exactly she wants to tell about her hobby.
What she chooses says a lot about her. You can sit back, relax and think about whether you think her answer is cool.
Besides, you don’t have to say much yourself. The one who asks interesting questions leads the conversation.
Here are some short answers/questions you can give/ask her:
- “What the hell…”
- “Tell me.
- “How do you do that exactly?”
- “Why exactly that?”
This approach will take your conversations to a new level. No more of these constant efforts to pull answers out of her nose!
This quote from Dale Carnegie hits the nail on the head:
One hears again and again that similarities are attractive. Although I love it when general knowledge turns out to be wrong, I’ve to say: This is true.
But what if you’ve extremely little in common, but still find each other likeable?
Well, even for that, there is a solution.
Suppose you work in an office while she’s a nurse…
…then on a superficial level you’ve nothing in common.
But the reality is different.
In fact, unconsciously you’ve a high number of experiences that fit together.
The only question is: What are these experiences and how do you bring them to the surface?
The golden tip is to ask her about her motivation.
In our nurse’s example, you might ask why she chose this job.
If you tell about the reasons that brought you to your office job, it may be that – even if it’s a completely different job – the motivation behind it is the same.
Most people think that you have to think absolutely alike to fit together. But that isn’t true.
As long as you recognize yourself in the other person positively, you’ll connect and be on the right path.
#3: A first-class alternative
You want to be completely different from Average Andy?
Then instead of bombarding her with standard questions (What do you do for a living? What do you study? What are your hobbies?), you can do something much more interesting.
It works like this:
You give a person two choices and ask them which one they would rather do. Examples:
“Would you rather…
- eat all day long pizza or pasta?”
- have the ability to become invisible or fly?”
- to have no friends or no sex at all?”
- always arrive 10 minutes later or 20 minutes earlier?”
- be alone till the rest of your life or constantly be surrounded by annoying people?”
This “game” is entertaining and makes her think. Then let her justify her answers.
Now, seriously, when was the last time someone asked you a question like that? You stand out from the crowd so much that you could be called an outsider. A creative, attractive and likeable outsider, to be precise.
The brilliant thing is that you get to know each other playfully. For example, when she answers that she would rather go on a wellness holiday than a skiing holiday, you can say:
You can learn a lot of things about her, tease her for her answers and reveal your answer. This way you’ll discover surprisingly many similarities.
If you really want to get to know a girl, you need to get more out of her than a standard automated answer.
Try to figure out exactly what makes her the woman you’re talking to right now.
Here are more examples of questions that will help you to get to know her in depth:
- What would you rather have: A wild night or a romantic morning?
- If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
- What would you do under no circumstances and for no money in the world?
All of this creates chemistry between you, which more and more leads to a feeling of trust. And as we all know, women need that trust to get intimate with you.
Questions may get the ball rolling, but they aren’t the panacea for memorable conversations.
If you ask too many questions, you might end up looking like a try-hard after a while. It can seem like you’re doing everything you can to keep the conversation going.
You don’t want her to think sooner or later:
If you ask questions all the time, she doesn’t get to know enough about you. And you want her to realize that she’s dealing with the coolest motherfu*ker in Middle-earth right now, right?
You’ll have to open yourself up. Make statements about what you like to do and what makes you special. For example:
The recipe for success for engaging conversations
Why do the topics mentioned so far work so well if you want to get a woman interested in you?
Quite simply because they trigger emotions.
The human brain is sometimes surprisingly primitive. The mere thought of a long-gone experience has the potential to bring back the emotions of that time.
Think about it: When was the last time you did something that made you really happy? Think back. Think back to every single detail you can remember.
Do you feel how the feeling from back then is reawakened?
That’s the main reason why films have such tremendous potential to fascinate people. A film has the possibility to connect with your emotions and let you experience them.
A memory is nothing more than a film. The positive feelings that are triggered in a woman will connect her to you. After all, you’re the one who skillfully dug them up again.
Women are much more likely to open up when they’re feeling good and will look back on your date more positively in hindsight.
Sometimes women have a kind of wall in front of them that makes it hard to get close to them. This wall isn’t there to keep other people out, but to see who’s good enough to knock them down.
And you’re good enough. So, do it. These tips will help you.
But enough profundity for today.
You will find my best flirting advice over here:
In my free Transformation Kit.
Get it now that you’re here anyway. Worst thing that can happen is that you become more attractive.
Over and out. Peace!
Dan de Ram