You’ve just had a date.
Or you’re thinking ahead and have a date on your calendar.
And there’s an urgent issue:
“What the heck do I text after a date?”
You’ll get the answer to this and more in this article.
- Exactly how long to wait after a date before sending a message
- What text messages you should NEVER send her.
- A simple and effective template for your first message after the date
- How you get her to message YOU first
- How to quickly arrange a second date
By the end of this article you’ll know exactly when and what to text after a fun date.
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Tip #1: Don’t wait too long after the date
To save you some time, I’m going to break it to you right away.
The 3-day rule is mostly nonsense.
The following story from one of my girlfriends will give you deeper insights into the female brain.
That’s important, especially when you’re dating adult women:
“When I was in highschool, I used to love playing cat and mouse. If I really liked a boy and he didn’t text me immediately after the date, it drove me nuts and made me want to see him all the more. This was all part of the ‘game’.
But now that I’m 30, I’m not really into games anymore. After one date I almost always know whether I want to see a guy again or not. If I want to see him again and don’t hear anything from him for 2 or 3 days, then I feel like he’s playing games and losing interest.
Adult men don’t play silly games like that.”
So how soon do you want to send a text?
Always message her within 24 hours of the date.
Otherwise you’ll seem disinterested. Or she’ll think you’re playing games. Or you’ll lose her interest.
So when EXACTLY do you text her?
If your date was in the evening.
When a date is in the evening, I usually send a message before going to bed.
If I’m little inspired or the date wasn’t a slam dunk? Then I prefer to wait till the morning.
This is a nice time to send it. Because if she starts the day with a message from you, you’ll have made her day and she’ll be thinking about you while she’s on her way to school or work.
And no matter how busy you are, never text her later than the evening of the next day.
If your date was in the afternoon.
Then send her a message just before she goes to bed, while she’s going over the events of that day in her head. This guarantees that you will be the only thing she’s thinking of.
So around 20:00 – 22:00.
This is a great time to send it because evenings are linked to romance. And because she’s probably free at that time, she might answer your text immediately.
Here’s the trick with the 24-hour rule
Why don’t you send her a message IMMEDIATELY if you do know you want to see her?
Because this is part of flirting.
Give her some time to start longing for you.
In the time that you don’t message her, you give her space to realise that she wants to hear from you.
And she’ll start to have a mini crush on you.
It also shields you from rejection.
While you may have given her a fantastic date, maybe she still has her doubts about you.
If you wait before sending a message, then at least you won’t seem needy and the doubts will melt away all by themselves.
Besides, this buffer gives her the chance to message you first.
So remember: desire can only exist with distance.
That’s why you always wait a few hours before texting her after a date.
Tip #2: What NOT to text after first date
It doesn’t matter what happens during the date, but you never, ever, ever… everrrr
Send over-the-top texts after the date.
This comes in many different forms.
The romantic *ahem* pervert:
I probably don’t need to explain this, but these messages are not what to text after first date.
Unless you’ve had sex, you never want to send sexually loaded messages.
While it can work out sometimes, there’s a large chance she’ll be scared off, because you’ve not been intimate with her at all yet.
Not because women are prudish.
Women like sex just as much as men.
And if she likes you, there’s a 169% chance that she’s thinking about what it would be like to have you under her sheets.
But in the dating stage women generally want to get to know you without clothes first.
Because if you start talking about undressing her from the start, she’ll know you probably have the same thoughts about every woman you just meet.
Which is why your sensual texts no longer feel so complimentary or special.
In short, don’t be needy or sexual.
Tip #3: What you do want to text after the first date
What to text after first date.
The first message you send can feel intimidating.
Luckily, after a successful first date, there’s quite a predictable formula.
The text that every woman wants to see has 3 ingredients:
- Something positive
- Something flirty
- Something directive
Not that specific, I know.
So let’s make it more concrete.
Women are nervous on a first date, just like men.
So they like to hear that you enjoyed her company.
If you enjoyed it, Tell her!
Even if she knows deep down that you had a great time with her, she still ALWAYS enjoys hearing it from you.
So therefore, let her know in your first message to her.
What’s more, your compliment will have 1000x more impact if you refer to your favorite moment of the date.
Also, it will let her relive the date and she’ll remember how much fun you had together.
Besides that, it strengthens the memories of the positive impression you’ve left on her.
If you can’t think of a favorite moment, refer to a specific conversation that you’ve had, or an inside joke.
That will make it easier for her to send a message back and will create an effortless conversation.
But be careful.
Don’t focus too much on chatting back and forth.
Because you don’t want to become pen pals. You want to date.
Always lead to a date.
What does the ideal message look like?
Something like this:
Why does this work?
- You say you enjoyed it and refer to a specific part of the interaction.
- You make it flirty by saying you want to ‘destroy’ her at a game of Jenga.
- You lead towards a date without asking for it.
Before you see her on the second date, a few days will pass.
You might send her nothing during that time. But then you risk her interest fading.
Radio silence often gives women the impression that you don’t really like her.
At the same time, boring or bad messages are no good, because you’ll scare her off.
Don’t know what to say in between dates?
Then I know exactly what you need.
The WhatsApp Cheat Sheet with texting examples and tips so that you know exactly what to say. Including what to text a girl after first date examples.
Tip #4: How to text effectively to get the second date
I’m going to let you in on something.
It will help you know what to text after first date.
The first message after the date is not the most important one.
Because even if you send the perfect message, it’s not going to guarantee that you’ll see her again.
So all messages you send after the date are important.
This is also where many men sabotage the date unknowingly.
And women love this.
What do they do wrong?
They use her inbox as a Twitter feed.
They send messages about random little things.
The girlfriend I referred to earlier said the following about this:
“Oh my god, yes! I hate when I’ve been on a fun date and the guy sends me tidal waves of random messages. Do you want to see me again or not?”
“A tip for all men who read this article. If a woman responds to your texts after a date, she wants to see you again! So ask her out and plan the date.”
Because a different mistake I see is the following:
They go for the date, but are so clumsy that it takes too long.
Which causes some women to lose interest.
Maybe this sounds extreme to you, but not being able to plan a date is comparable with not being able to take off her bra during bedroom calisthenics.
It’s super amateurish and a turn-off.
If you want to text effectively after a date, then do the following:
- You always lead towards the date
- You offer multiple possible dates
- You have a backup plan in case she can’t make it
This is what that looks like:
Don’t be afraid to make her take some initiative.
If you do things playfully over text it usually goes down well!
Tip #5: What if you get no response
You went on a date.
You had fun.
And send her a nice message after the date.
But you get no response.
Your self-esteem is blown to smithereens and you don’t know what to do next:
Let’s sum up why she may not have responded:
- Maybe she hasn’t seen your message
- Maybe she’s playing hard to get
- Maybe she doesn’t like you
Yes, that last one hurts. But it’s merely a possibility.
In any case, how do you handle this uncertain situation?
First, don’t accuse her of anything.
In the early stages of dating you can simply not expect much from her.
She doesn’t know you.
Therefore she doesn’t know how much you have to offer her.
Her non-response is just a consequence of how she feels about you NOW.
And in 1 or 2 months she may feel differently.
Though don’t take that as an invitation to try and prove yourself to her.
So what do you do if you don’t get a response?
Follow these three steps:
- You wait at least 3 days
- You remain positive
- You send her the following message:
Winners don’t wait. They’re always moving forward.
They meet new women, sharpen their professional skills, give love to their friends and family.
Also, a non-response is a clear signal she’s not interested.
But if she did enjoy it, but just forgot to respond?
Then she’ll make that clear to you.
For more than 25 other formats, see my course TextGod, where I give 100+ example lines in 50+ case studies. Including what to text after first date. And what to text after second date.
You’ll get formats to keep conversations going, how to trigger emotions, how to have her seduce you, and how you get her excited through text.
You even see my date system where I show you exactly how I go from first contact on Tinder, to WhatsApp, then I show footage of the date itself.
It’s by far the most complete system for online seduction. Find more information here.
Tip #6: What if you don’t feel ‘sparks’?
Sometimes you go on a date and it’s ok, but you don’t feel chemistry.
Often, a woman who’s a 10 on paper can be a 7 in her behavior.
Maybe she’s well educated, maybe she has a high-paying job and a nice body, but she doesn’t make your heart beat faster.
Then what do you do?
Do you ask her out for a second date, or leave it at that?
If you don’t want a relationship, then I’d say go for that second date.
Some superficial fun with the chance of some bedroom gymnastics is fine.
And who knows, maybe the fireworks will follow.
But if you’re looking for a girlfriend, the answer is much more nuanced.
You need to ask yourself two questions:
- Do you think the fireworks could still come?
- Would you date someone for months if you didn’t feel any chemistry?
If your answer to these questions is ‘no’, then you clearly don’t want to take her out on a second date.
And now you have the difficult task of rejecting her.
How do you do that?
- Give her a compliment.
- Be honest.
Something like this:
One more thing: Be clear that there will be no second date.
In the past I used to say, “Let’s just be friends for now”
Don’t be a lil’ bish like my younger self and get it over with.
Tip #7: How to get her to message you first
Sending an irresistible message after the first date is great.
But it’s even better if she sends you the first message.
How do you make this happen?
Here’s an easy method.
Before saying goodbye, say this:
This gets her to message you first, but it’s also manly and considerate.
But there’s a problem.
If she just answers, “I’m home safely :)”
That won’t lead to much flirtation automatically.
Plus, you still have no idea what she thought of the date.
Luckily, there’s another technique to get her to send the first message and suggest the first date.
How do you do that?
This is how, dear reader.
Imagine you’re on a date.
You’ve chatted away all the tension.
You’ve had some drinks.
And you’ve walked hand in hand to your next destination.
Now you’re sitting next to each other on a park bench with a half-eaten ice cream in hand.
You devour your gelato and say to her suddenly, “Hey, you have some ice cream on your cheek.”
She rubs her cheek and asks “Is it gone?”
“No,” you respond, while your face nears hers. “Let me help you.”
You kiss her on the cheek playfully and look her right in the eye.
Her pupils become large and she crawls up next to you.
This is your signal to go for it, so you plant your lips firmly on hers and carefully hold her neck with one hand.
Now she puts her hand around your waist and you have a short but intense kiss.
After 10 seconds of tongue wrestling you pull back and say playfully. “I was good ehh?”
She rolls her eyes and wants to say something, but before she can utter the words you say:
Disappointed that it’s over, you walk to her bike together.
Before you leave, she’s going to expect one last lovely kiss. But all you give her is a kiss on the lips and the sentence, “It was fun. Drive safely!”
What do you do by ending the date so abruptly?
You give her space to start longing for you.
By ending the date like this, you’ll often get a message like this the same evening:
What more can you ask for?
Maybe the Boring Conversation Killer Cheat Sheet. Or 3 keys to get out of the friendzone in 5 days. Perhaps you want to know what to text after the second date.
Or would you rather have 25 amazing texting tips so you never doubt what to say next?
You’ll find this all in the Transformation Kit.
Dan de Ram