How much does it take for you to say, “Stop. I don’t want to continue this relationship anymore…”?
In this article, you will learn:
- When to break up with your girlfriend or keep it up? And 6 questions to help you decide
- When is it time to break up? How you can tell if you’re jumping the gun
- The essential factors for a fulfilling relationship (this will surprise you…)
- Breakup depression? How you can use a crisis to take your relationship to the next level
- Red flags – if you see THIS, you should end your relationship IMMEDIATELY.
- How to breakup a relationship respectfully – And s step-by-step-guide if you decide to become single again
- Moving after a breakup: How you can ensure that your potential breakup is the best thing ever happened to you
- And much more breakup help tips…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
When it’s too soon to break up
If you have clicked on this article, your relationship is probably not exactly rosy right now. Maybe you are even wondering if you want to keep it up.
For some, more must happen for them to ask themselves this question, for others less. Did she lie to you about being with a buddy of yours? Is she generally more flexible when it comes to telling the truth?
Or does she have problems that have nothing to do with you, but takes them out on you?
Whatever the reasons are, you’re certainly wondering:
- Is this relationship still worth my time?
- Should I try my luck with another woman?
- Can I still save the relationship?
I can understand you asking yourself these questions.
The tendency in today’s society is to immediately pull the plug of a relationship as soon as things go sideways.
Partly because many people have a very low tolerance for frustration and partly because it’s easier to break things than to fix them.
To overcome a relationship crisis, you need the ability to distance yourself from your emotions and prevent them from controlling your actions.
Only then can you think rationally about everything that has gone wrong and turn the relationship crisis into an opportunity for better communication in your relationship.
But too often, your own ego gets in the way when you get hurt.
During a fight with your girlfriend, you can only remember the bad times of your relationship.
Then you forget what she has done for you and can only think of how embarrassed you feel.
This could be the opportunity to talk to her completely honest about everything and get to know her on a new level that will bring you closer.
That’s why it’s good that you’re here to get smart before you do something you might regret later.
While we’re at it, let’s talk directly about what really matters in a relationship that is supposed to make you happy.
What makes a fulfilling relationship?
Most men think that in order to have a fulfilling relationship, you just have to find the right partner, and then everything will go smoothly.
I’ll make it quick:
To understand why let’s look at these three different types of relationships, you may be in:
Described in a math formula, this type of relationship would look like this: 0 + 0 = 0
You are so dependent on your partner’s recognition and appreciation that if you don’t get it, you feel like a piece of dog shit in a plastic bag. It’s about as if each of the two partners has remote control over each other’s feelings.
This leads to relationship stress and drama. Usually, such a relationship doesn’t last very long and although you will hate to hear that:
Unless you were raised superhumanly well by your parents, the first relationship in your life would most likely be co-dependent. And that’s okay.
My first relationship was co-dependent, too. You just have to learn how not to make it work. You can’t learn something like that from a book or be taught by someone else.
To really understand it, you have to experience it yourself.
The math formula for this type of relationship is: 1 +1 = 2
If you do your homework and learn from your mistakes, then this type of relationship follows the co-dependent relationship.
In this form, you will learn how to coexist peacefully with your girlfriend without hurting or harming each other. You have fun together and someone to do things with. You get back as much from the relationship as you put into it.
Fair deal, right? But you can do much better.
This form is the highest form of relationship you can aspire to. The blackboard in math class would read: 1 + 1 = 11.
Here, the whole (relationship) is more than just the sum of its parts.
You have learned that everyone is responsible for their happiness, and you both know what you need to be happy on your own.
Therefore, you can now consciously decide to rely on each other. Once you do this, your happiness will increase exponentially when you are together.
So you see, the ability to have a relationship isn’t just something you’re born with. You have to work hard at it; learn from your mistakes.
Many men, at some point in their lives, get into a co-dependent relationship. It’s the first time they’ve ever really fallen for a woman.
That is why many men remain in mediocre relationships in which their girlfriend makes their lives hell half the time. Out of fear that they’ll never find a woman who ‘loves’ them as much as their current girlfriend.
So, that you don’t belong to these men without realizing it, let’s talk about the ‘red flags’ in a relationship.
If you notice the following signs, pack your bags and be ready to say ‘Hasta la Vista’ to your girl.
Signs you should break up
Red flag #1: Repeated lies
Honesty should be a fundamental value that you presuppose in your relationship.
Without truthfulness, there is no trust. Without trust, there is no unconditional love.
So, if you notice that your girlfriend, despite repeated requests, doesn’t manage to avoid lies, then say goodbye to her respectfully.
You need someone who is honest with you in order to have a fulfilling relationship.
Red flag #2: Physical attacks
We men are often persuaded that we shouldn’t make a fuss when it comes to physical attacks.
Don’t listen to that crap.
You are a human being, and – just like a woman – you deserve to be treated with respect. Just as you should never hit a woman, you should never tolerate a woman hitting you or physically attacking you in any other way.
If your girlfriend has one of these red flags and isn’t willed to change her behavior after you called her out on it repeatedly, break off contact with her. She has codependency tattooed on her face.
Make room in your life for people who value you and recognize your human dignity.
But there are also more subtle signs where it takes a little longer to recognize them.
How you can decide when to break up with someone
To answer this question, you should take some time and have a clarifying conversation with your girlfriend.
Does your girlfriend know what you mean by a healthy relationship?
What makes a healthy relationship for you?
Take a piece of paper and write down everything you want in a relationship as detailed as possible. Then go to your girlfriend and ask her to talk to you.
Maybe there’s something on the note that she had no idea about all along. Maybe if she had known about this one thing, she would have acted differently all along.
Do you two respect each other?
Respect is one of the basic elements of every functioning relationship. Most people would certainly agree with me when I say that only in very few relationships, both partners really treat each other with respect.
Sometimes it isn’t so easy to see if your girlfriend is really disrespectful towards you or if you are just telling yourself that in some bizarre way.
If you’re unsure, ask yourself:
- Does my girlfriend often keep me waiting?
- Is she telling lies about me behind my back?
- Is she interested in how I am?
- Does she leave me alone when I ask her to?
- Does she belittle me in front of others or drop any nasty comments about me?
These signs cross the border to the red flag area.
However, it depends on whether this behavior occurs more often or whether it was more of a one-off thing where your girlfriend lost control of her behavior.
Are you ready to work on your relationship?
Just because you are in a relationship crisis doesn’t mean that you have to end the relationship. But it does mean that both of you must be willing to do your best to get things back on track.
For example, if your girlfriend doesn’t keep promises you made to each other, or you have the same discussion about a certain thing over and over again, that’s pretty suboptimal.
The only way you can repair the relationship is by working on it together.
Do you have common ideas about the future?
Without common goals in the relationship, the whole thing goes down the drain faster than you can say ‘relationship goals.’
My bro Joey was with a beautiful half-Swedish girl some time ago. They were incredibly in love with each other, and Joey told me at least 30 times a week how much his girlfriend makes him happy.
For a while, it seemed like the perfect relationship.
But at some point, the two of them started to quarrel more and more often for the strangest reasons. These fights finally ended in a breakup that was extremely painful for Joey.
We puzzled together for a long time what exactly had led to this relationship stress and then also to Joey’s breakup.
Eventually, we remembered that after only half a year in the relationship, his girlfriend had started to mention more and more often than she wanted children.
Joey was 26 at that time, and it was unimaginable for him to have children at that age. So, he didn’t pay attention to her during the relationship and just tried to have a good time with her.
She, on the other hand, was already 32 years old and began to feel the ‘ticking of her biological clock.’
Since Joey couldn’t respond to her desire to have children, the two of them clashed more and more often until she couldn’t stand it anymore and used some pointless argument as a reason for her breakup.
But the real reason was that she wanted to have kids and Joey didn’t.
What I’m trying to tell you with this story
For you to have a fulfilling relationship, your (life) goals need to match.
The more common goals there are in your relationship, the stronger the bond between you.
Are you having a good time together?
Okay, admittedly, if you’re going through a crisis, you probably don’t laugh together very much, and you may not have the most passionate sex.
Still, you should ask yourself: Have there been more good than difficult times in the relationship so far?
It’s normal that joint activities may decrease somewhat over the course of a relationship. But if, for example, you are already going through your eighth relationship crisis in two years, the chances are that you will be less compatible than Mentos and Coke.
Do you sometimes secretly wish that your girlfriend would do something bad to make your decision easier?
Maybe you’ve thought of something like:
If you have such thoughts, it means that you are only looking for legitimacy – something that might take away your fear of deciding incorrectly.
I can only tell you one thing:
Your time is legitimately enough.
Subconsciously you already know that this relationship is no longer the right one for you. The longer you delay the breakup, the more of your own precious time you waste, and at the same time, you prevent your girlfriend from finding someone who is a better match for her.
This may sound a little harsh, but I want you to stop pretending and get on with your life.
Finally, I would like to do a thought experiment with you:
Imagine waking up tomorrow, and you’re single. You wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of separation, and your (ex-) girlfriend wouldn’t feel any pain from the breakup.
Would you actively try to get back together with her and take the relationship further?
Imagine your life in two years with or without your girlfriend.
- Would you be happier or unhappier with her by your side?
- What is your everyday life like?
- How are you feeling?
- What would you have accomplished in those two years, and what wouldn’t happen?
- Would you be relieved, full of ideas and motivation without her or rather the opposite?
When to breakup with your girlfriend? The decision-making process
Alright, bro, now you have everything you need to make a well-considered decision.
Nevertheless, the decision about whether to break up with someone or not is a very emotional one. That’s why I want to give you one more thing:
Even if it takes longer and you may feel overwhelmed with this decision – you have something valuable inside you that will help you make the right decision:
The only one who can really know when it’s time to end your relationship is you.
Trust your intuition, and may the Force be with you.
If you want to come out of a breakup with a renewed driving power that emits from deep down within yourself, then have a look at my free Transformation Kit.
Dan de Ram