Although I haven’t been in love for a long time and I’m constantly meeting new women, I can still write about this topic.
I’m going to let you in on my personal story. Now I can look at things objectively and filter out all the aspects that go along with the feelings when you fall in love. But when I was in the middle of it, it was different.
Love can be the most beautiful thing in your life right now.
You fall asleep with the thought of her and wake up with the thought of her. A constant smile is drawn on your lips and you could hug the entire world.
One thing is certain: This feeling can truly inspire you.
It makes you do and say things (with conviction) that you’re embarrassed to do and say when you look back later.
But beware: Many of these impulsive behaviors ruin your chances of a relationship.
It’s funny, we all want a great girlfriend by our side, but when the time comes, we often screw our chances up.
You will know how to prevent this from today, because you learn:
- “I fell in love with a girl!”: How you deal with your feelings for her correctly
- Why hormones fuck with your brain and make you act unattractive
- Fall for love? Why you should take off those rose-colored glasses
- How to win her heart + How to make her chase you and ensure that your love doesn’t stay unanswered
- How you make sure that love exists between you when the feeling of being in love fades away
- And much more tips on what to do when you’re in love with her…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Tip #1: Don’t fall for her
When I was a student, it felt exactly the same you might feel now.
There was this one girl in my study group that I just couldn’t take my eyes off of.
Small, slim, pretty, brunette, with a warm, very feminine energy that she exudes as if she were the sun. Or wait, that’s not quite the right word… She was more like a gentle wave of glistening light on which you want to float, towards thousands of sunsets.
It’s hard to describe these feelings, so let’s just keep it simple and say: I was blown away.
You probably know it yourself: When you fall for a woman like that, it’s especially hard to overcome social inhibitions or anxiety.
Fortunately, she took over this part for me.
When we were both waiting for the tram next to each other, she approached me with a:
I could hardly believe my luck and when I saw the sparkle in her eyes, it was crystal clear to me in one fell swoop: I’m going to put a ring on this woman’s sweet little finger. And breed 20 little Dans with her to grow old and gray in a lake house…
As clichéd and exaggerated as this may sound, it isn’t an unknown phenomenon to scientists. This study points out that emotions that arise in such a situation can be completely overwhelming.
This process of chemical reactions in your brain is what society so nicely calls “falling in love”.
According to science, men also fall in love waaaaaaaay faster compared to women.
Dopamine, oxytocin and other messenger substances are released in your body in seconds and make you feel as if you’ve just poured two shots of happiness hormones into your throat and washed them down with 100 ml of freshly squeezed lemon juice.
This hormone cocktail leads to impulsive behavior.
In plain English: It lets you do all kinds of illogical, embarrassing and crazy things.
So, the big disadvantage is that you’re already miles ahead of the thing between you and her.
What are the chances she feels the same way about you?
Should it be: What should I say? Top!
More likely, she’s just interested and wants to find out if you’re a good match. No more, no less.
Most likely, however, she’s neutral and friendly.
If this is the case (which it’s in most cases), you will scare her off if you allow the feelings of being in love to overwhelm you. It’s as if you were to kiss her hastily. Usually not a good idea.
I see it in clubs all the time with men. They’re blown away in seconds when they talk to a hot woman and are sure they want her.
Then what she thinks is:
- “I’m nothing special to him.”
- “It’s too easy.”
- “He’s just using me.”
One sentence you hear women say over and over again is:
Now you know why.
So, the solution is to stay calm, control your emotions, and prevent impulsive behavior from nipping your chances for a relationship in the bud from the very beginning.
Tip #2: How do you know you’re in love?
They say that you see the world through rose-colored glasses when you’re in love.
That was certainly the case with me.
In my eyes everything about her was PERFECT. Every single pimple was exactly where it should be.
In fact, I overlooked the fact that on the first date she…
- Was 30 minutes late
- Was endlessly boring
- Had no ambitions in life
In retrospect, she didn’t match me in any way, but that didn’t play the slightest role at that moment.
This also explains the proverb “love is blind”.
Why is that? Why do we refuse to accept reality?
Nature does this to ensure that we reproduce. If we were too picky, there wouldn’t be 7.6 billion people on Earth right now.
But after 3 months this pink fog wall becomes thinner and allows you a glimpse into the murky reality. You start to notice the little hairs on her ears and nose more and more. You recognize the asymmetries in her face and her grunting smile seems less attractive every day…
But that’s good! Otherwise you run the risk of not being able to assess the situation properly.
Let’s compare it to a rose. The symbol of love.
You have to irrigate it, otherwise it won’t survive.
But it’s more complicated than that. Give it too much or even the wrong water, and it’s finito. Give it too little and it’ll sag faster than you can sing “love is in the air”.
It’s the same in a relationship. Metaphorically speaking, my friend. I’m not saying to pour a bucket of water over your girlfriend’s head (although that can be quite funny in certain situations).
If you constantly wear rose-colored glasses on your nose, you will invest far too much in a woman.
That’s deadly for true attraction.
A woman wants you to like HER; not an idealized wish form of her.
So, practice the art of staying in reality. Does she really possess the attributes you attribute to her in your mind?
Actively take off your rose-colored glasses and look at the situation objectively.
Only then can you give her the right amount of water and make her blossom.
Tip #3: The biggest mistake you can make now
Actually, it looked pretty good at first.
We met regularly, she was obviously happy to see me and even complimented me.
(Despite these extremely green glowing lights I never kissed her…)
Whenever I went home, I felt light as a feather and couldn’t form a single thought that had nothing to do with her.
“That must be it,” I told my friends. “If this continues, we’ll soon be together.”
But this feeling of lightheartedness didn’t last.
When I spent time with her, everything was fine. But whenever she wasn’t around, it felt like she put a voodoo spell on me: Every time I thought of her, it was like someone stuck a needle in my heart.
It’s often like this when you’re in love… After a while you can’t resist and spend your day writing her every other minute to find out how she’s doing…
It was similar with me. I kept wondering what she was doing and how she was doing. After a while I couldn’t turn the feeling off and bombarded her with boring texts like:
I myself contributed nothing – it was all about her. I was like a next-generation energy vampire. You know them. Those people who create a vacuum and suck away all positivity like that ugly vacuum cleaner from the Teletubbies.
This led to her distancing herself more and more from me and rejecting my next date proposals.
It didn’t take long and we were like two strong magnets with the same polarity, repulsing each other. I didn’t end up in the friendzone, but even worse: I ended up on the hit list…
All this comes from the fact that when you’re in love, you often begin to doubt yourself.
- “Am I good enough?”
- “Will she find someone better?”
- “If it doesn’t work: Will I ever feel this way again about another woman?”
Each of these thoughts is unrealistic.
I really want you to recognize them when they appear in your head and actively make you aware that they’re BULLSHIT.
So, let’s go through them in order:
- Of course you’re good enough! If you’re not, no one is. You’re a human being and not some tick or something. You’re the result of thousands of years of human reproduction! And holy shit, your ancestors went through hard times, believe me. So if you don’t think you’re enough, it’s as if you won the lottery with a chance of 1 : 100 trillion and you wouldn’t be happy about it.
- There’s a lot of guys out there that are good for her. That’s a fact. That’s not what you should be focusing on. At the end of the day, all that matters is who she chooses.
- Each time you think you will never love another woman as much again. The pink mist makes us think that. All I’m going to say is: Suuuuure… 😉
Tip #4: Keep the reins of your life
We all know this guy who – when he’s in love – he neglects all his friends, hobbies and dreams.
Attention, giant top bro tip: Don’t be that guy!
Instead, be the one who continues his path and NEVER makes a woman the center of his existence.
A woman isn’t a placeholder to fill the emptiness in you. They don’t want to be. Your love life is no damn song from the Backstreet Boys.
Remember what you did before you met her. What were your wishes, dreams and passions?
If you’re a loyal member of the AttractionGym tribe, you’ve done all sorts of crazy and adventurous things. This is exactly what you should continue to do when you’re in love.
Then your desired is the cherry on top.
If you let her fill the emptiness within you, it’s too much pressure and responsibility for her. Suddenly she has to make not only herself happy, but also a giant baby.
Who would want that?
Women find it attractive when a man has something to strive for. Then she likes to sit in the passenger seat and enjoy the wild ride she can have with you.
If you suddenly lose sight of this higher goal, then the symbolic car of your relationship doesn’t move an inch further, and if it does, then at most in the direction of “nowhere”.
And believe me, this is a dark place where there isn’t a single female for miles around…
So, keep doing what you’ve always done and pull her like a magnet into your epic, adventurous life.
Tip #5: Make her crazy about you
No. What I mean is that after 3 months the hormones stop fucking with your brain.
Afterwards you see everything as it really is.
There are many couples who, even after decades of marriage, claim with conviction that they love each other.
But how’s that possible when these feelings of infatuation disappear?
Well, it’s simple. If you make your chosen one crazy about you every day, she can’t help wanting to keep you. No matter what it costs.
So, if you want practical steps on how to win her heart and keep it, check out my free Transformation Kit
That’s it for today.
Let me know in the comments how it went with your potential Mrs. Right and if you need any other foolproof tips in the meantime.
Dan de Ram