“I’m too skinny.”
“I’m too fat.”
“I’m too ugly.”
“All other men are better looking than me.”
“Women can never find me attractive.”
These are sentences I often read in mails that reach my inbox. Why do men reach out to me to find out whether they are ugly or not?
It’s because I’m a dating coach. They are looking for hope. There must be something an ugly man can do to find love…
I am happy that they reach out to me. It shows that they have not given up hope yet.
I don’t know you, but if you clicked on this article, you may have similar negative thoughts.
Unfortunately, the question of whether you are ugly cannot be answered by me.
But what I can do for you is to provide you with helpful insights and tips.
What you will learn in this article:
- Feeling ugly: Why I was once 100% convinced that I was ugly
- How you can fundamentally improve your appearance with insights you learn here
- “Why do I feel ugly?”: Why you’re less ugly than you think
- What a truffle pizza has to do with ugliness
- How you can squeeze anti-aesthetics out of your system
- And many more tips on what do when you feel ugly…
By the way, have you seen my free Transformation Kit?
You'll get my best stuff absolutely free: 12 Opening lines that actually work, my 5 best texting tips (including copy-paste lines for Tinder), and the Friendzone Houdini. Download the Transformation Kit here.
Being ugly: “An ugly man will never be successful with women!”
It’s no wonder a lot of men feel that way.
The media is full of flawless models and Beauty Boys with six-packs. In the commercial that interrupts your favorite movie, you will not see one single ugly man using a shampoo or razor blade.
When you wait for the bus, countless posters of male top-models are rubbed into your face.
Women dream about going out with Chris Hemsworth and Ryan Gosling.
No wonder you think:
Let’s not fool ourselves: Good-looking people are privileged.
Studies show that a person’s aesthetics have great influence on how successful they will be in their career.
These beauties are not only nicer to look at, but are also more successful… How fair the universe is…
Good-looking people are also seen as more intelligent and competent. Good for them, right?
Listen up, my friend!
All this does not mean that less attractive men cannot be as successful as any Beauty Boy out there.
I’ll go even further: Society grossly underestimates ugly people.
Behind a world-changing invention is often a nerd with big ears. Women sometimes cheat on their handsome husbands with a human creature from infernal darkness.
You think that you are ugly (which does not necessarily mean that you are, but more on this later).
Maybe you have already stumbled upon gurus, life coaches and dating “experts” who claim:
They spread the myth that you can look like Shrek and still end up in bed with models.
Well, I’ve seen a lot of things during our coaching sessions that other people would consider impossible… From a 50-year-old coaching participant who ended up on a date with a 22-year-old Latvian woman he met on the street, to a student suffering from hair loss who kissed a Russian model on the dance floor.
From an economic point of view, I would profit a lot from spreading this “looks don’t matter” bullshit as well, but, unfortunately, I’m allergic to bullshit.
Let’s be realistic. Who would you rather exchange body fluids with? With an almost flawless real-life elvish queen who makes a living as an underwear model, or with an overweight ogre with a mono-brow who a classmate once made out with, for which he is still being laughed at today?
It should be obvious that appearance is not completely irrelevant.
“Am I too ugly to get a girlfriend?”
Does that mean you can cancel your gym membership, grow a neck beard, and stuff donuts inside your mouth like there is no tomorrow?
It just means that you ALWAYS have a shot – no matter how you think you look like.
At AttractionGym we do not accept whining. Only when you have given your absolute best on every level, and success with women is still lacking, you may allow yourself to a little mini-sigh. But I think this is very unlikely, and I have never experienced this in all my time as a dating coach.
So stop whining and do this instead:
- Get the best out of your body: Hygiene, fitness, nutrition
- Take care of your styling
- Develop unshakable self-confidence
- Learn the noble skill of seducing women
But before you work on these areas, read on first, because you might not be ugly at all…
Why I used to feel ugly all the time
I was so sure, “Damn… I’m ugly.”
Why did I think so? Let me explain by diving into my darkest past. I’m not ashamed of it, so fuck it!
I don’t think I’m completely crazy when I say:
- My appearance has improved. It’s not like I look like a Greek god right now, but in my humble opinion, I’m pretty damn close.
- I wasn’t handsome at all back in the days, but was I really UGLY?
However, I was 100% convinced that I was so ugly that women could never find me attractive.
It may sound like I’m making it more dramatic than it was, but that was 1:1 my train of thought.
Why did I think that? For several reasons:
- Reason #1: I did not like my hair (Ok, dying it blonde was not the solution, I am aware of that in retrospect…).
- Reason #2: I had less beard growth than a ladyboy.
- Reason #3: I had less muscle mass than a ladyboy. I was so skinny that I had to be careful not to fall through a manhole cover slot.
- Reason #4: My face was plagued by pimples.
There are two lessons to learn from my personal story:
- Lesson #1: You can significantly improve your appearance.
I started going to the gym and my body adapted. Testosterone was released, and my body looked more masculine: more muscle mass, beard growth and chest hair. Through healthy nutrition I had significantly fewer pimples and also looked less tired.
- Lesson #2: There is a good chance that you are much less ugly than you think.
Maybe you think that something specific about you is repulsive when in reality almost nobody notices it.
Why you feel so ugly
I’ll compare your ugliness to truffles. I’m not talking about the kind of truffle you eat to expand your consciousness.
I am talking about the truffles that are known to be one of the most expensive mushrooms in the world. The price per pound currently ranges from $100 to a whopping $5,000.
I still remember the moment I ate truffles for the first time in my life. I was in a “high society” club where I approached two women, one of whom I liked immediately.
Of course, I was a gentleman and didn’t want to steal her away from her friend (ok, who am I kidding, I just know that the seduction process works more smoothly if her friend likes you as well), so I introduced her to the next best random guy.
It happened to be a rich kid who was so grateful for my wingmanship that he bought me a truffle pizza. If you think it’s strange that clubs serve this kind of thing, then you have never been in a high society club.
I did not refuse and was already curious about the taste of this so expensive mushroom. When the pizza was served, the smell of the truffles made my mouth water.
The first bite felt like I was eating straight angel wings with stardust sprinkles and rainbow sauce. “Faaaaaaancy shit!” I thought to myself as I enjoyed every bite.
A year later, I received truffles on a regular basis. A family friend is a gifted collector. He takes his trained dog out into the woods almost daily to find these culinary diamonds.
I have turned into a truffles eating machine. It was not long before the euphoria subsided more and more. After a disappointingly short time, a truffle was…
… just an ordinary mushroom. There was absolutely nothing “faaaancy” about it anymore!
What has this tragic story to do with your appearance?
For other people you are a truffle, for yourself you are a regular mushroom.
You cannot know how ugly you are.
Since you see yourself in the mirror every day, you pay attention to imperfect details that others don’t even notice.
On the other hand, you don’t even have the attractive details in your face/body on the radar because they are normal for you.
If you now think:
I can tell you: possibly!
Never judge your own appearance, because you cannot look at yourself with the same eyes as others. Also, be aware that looks are highly subjective. It is in the eye of the beholder. What is absolutely ugly for one person can be quite okay for others.
How To Not Be Ugly: 3 Golden Tips For What To Do When You Feel Ugly
Tip #1: Don’t be a hobo
If you look at some guys, you’ll find an uncombed, unironed mess.
Clothes that don’t fit well, unshaven heads, bad breath, stains and so on…
That’s because men don’t usually care about what they look like.
However, the situation is quite different for women. Even dirt under your fingernails can be reason enough for a woman to find you unattractive.
The reason for this is: a well-groomed outside is evidence for a healthy inside.
If you look healthy, well-groomed and, most importantly, CLEAN, you are good to go.
These three things are so important to a woman that she ALWAYS pays attention to whether they apply to you (consciously or unconsciously).
She doesn’t know you, and she’s trying to assess your personality. Hygiene indicates social intelligence and that you treat women with respect. She associates poor hygiene with drug junkies, homeless people, rapists and lunatics.
So stop dressing or acting like a person from one of these groups, and improve your appearance. This very day!
It’s amazing how much you can improve your appearance by just putting some energy, time and money into it.Tip #2: Invest in your looks
For example, I had the most crooked teeth in the universe. Three years of braces – et voilà: an almost perfect set of teeth.
As you know, pictures say more than words. So take a look at the transformations of these celebrities, and you will understand how much appearance has to do with investment.
But the male world is still harmless in this respect. Women spend (whether prominent or not) huge amounts of money on expensive make-up. They take half an eternity making themselves look beautiful in the bathroom.
The following pictures are the reason why a first date in a swimming pool can be a great idea.
As you can see, you can get a lot out of a person.
Things you can do to improve your appearance:
- Healthy nutrition
- Grow/ shave/ trim beard
- Pluck eyebrows (or let them grow)
- Improve hairstyle
- Whitened teeth
- Dental Surgery
- Plastic surgery
Although I don’t really recommend the final two.
Tip #3: Improve your body language
Of course, your appearance is important, but your body language is a (completely underestimated) variable.
And that’s a good thing. If it was all about white teeth and symmetrical faces, firstly I wouldn’t have this beloved job and secondly people would work much less on their personality.
The effect of your posture can be immense. And I mean “Gollum vs. Superman” immense.
If you don’t pull your shoulders back and have your hands in front of your body, you make yourself a Gollum.
But when you stand wide, with your shoulders back, you look like Superman: masculine, confident and determined.
And I like to think that you’d rather look like Superman…
But what about movement?
Should you move like a hyperactive bouncing ball? I don’t think so.
Let’s take a look at the world’s most famous seducer of women in action: Dan de Ram. Okay, all kidding aside, I am talking about James Bond.
If you watch the video and pay attention to how the agent moves, you will quickly realize: he moves extremely slowly.
The calmest person in a club is perceived as the most confident.
Women see you and think:
The golden rule is: Move as if you were under water.
Men who are successful with women are in no hurry. They are not stressed, they are calm. Abnormally calm.
Behaviors that make you seem more attractive are therefore:
- Speak calmly and decisively.
- Move slowly as if you were underwater.
- Pull your shoulder back.
- Relax your neck.
- Relax your facial muscles and put on a gentle smile.
From ugly to utterly attractive
These are pro tips that will take your attractiveness to new heights. And if all this doesn’t help and you are still ugly as hell, you can still learn from me how to compensate your appearance with ice-cold charisma and the best flirting techniques.
At least then you can be ugly and proud.
Before we part, I have a final gift for you:
Filled with my best flirting advice. Online and offline seduction, conversation techniques and copy-past lines are all included.
It’s your kickstart to dating success.
May you do well!
Dan de Ram